A Revolution in Technology

Using the patented cyclo-kinetic energy radiation server Zombie Alert (residential version - shown above) is able to detect the presence of active Zombies up to 1700 yards away.  In case of zombie attack, Zombie Alert issues a loud shrill alarm easily distinguishable from smoke alarms, car alarms, passing emergency vehicles or Alanis Morrisette.

By teaming up the formost experts in cyclo-kinetic energy radiation with experienced Zombie hunters from around the world, Onko has virtually elliminated false alarms.  Zombie Alert activates only when the living dead are present in your neighborhood.  Never again will you become the laughing stock of your neighborhood because a false alarm from an inferior zombie detection device had you boarding up your windows on Superbowl Sunday.  Zombie Alert has been tested under the most trying conditions.  Hours of Geoge Romero films leave it unaffected.  Neither sick people nor the truly dead trigger it.   Not even the presence of Bob Dole has been able to fool the Zombie Alert technology.

Only the finest quality micro-sensors have been selected for inclusion in Zombie Alert.  Once assembled, the cyclo-kinetic energy radiation apparatus is encased in a ventilated security container made from the same kind of space age polymers used on the Space Shuttle.  Sturdy, yet lightweight, Zombie Alert attaches easily to walls either inside or outside your home, ready for that fateful day when the dead take leave of their rightful homes.  Do not be misled by cheap imitations or the the unreliable methods used by older mechanical zombie detection devices.  Only Zombie alert combines the sensitivity, durability and affordability into a product that brings true security and peace of mine

The scientists and zombie hunters at Onko are so sure of the effectiveness of Zombie Alert that they make the following warranty to any purchaser of a Zombie Alert zombie detection device.

$1,000,000 guarantee

Should Zombie Alert fail to operate in a documented Zombie attack Onko Enterprises will pay the above sum to the owner of the failed product.
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